Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened. – Dr Seuss
I feel as though I have read that quote a thousand times over the course of my life and I always thought that I understood it, until I really understood it.
Grieving for my Grandad has been an interesting time for me mentally. Having suffered on and off with depression for as long as I can remember I always wondered what would happen when my Grandad finally passed away, I always feared the return of my depression. He and I were very close, he was the prominent paternal figure in my life and my best friend, watching him fade away as we journeyed through Alzheimer’s over the last ten years has at times contributed to my depression and I assumed that his eventual passing would do the same.
It hasn’t. I’ve been very sad at times and I miss him terribly, but the overwhelming feeling for me has been relief that he isn’t suffering anymore and can now be at peace. I have found that rather than mourning his passing, we lost him ten years ago really thanks to Alzheimer’s, I have been reminiscing and remembering the good times and celebrating and giving thanks for the fact that they happened at all.
I feel stronger than I have ever felt, and even more determined than I already was to succeed at everything I am doing. I also find that I am more determined to enjoy every single day. I realised something after he died, I suppose it’s a cliché really but it’s true, the only person I can truly depend on is myself. In one way or another people will always leave, even the ones who have always been there, one day they might not be there anymore for whatever reason and so the only constant I can truly rely on is myself.
It has been a very empowering feeling and one that has been carrying me through this time of grief and sorrow. I’ve been sitting in my office working for the last few days, getting everything back on track and updating things after my three-week break and as I’ve been powering through it all I kept thinking about how at the end of the day I am the only one I can rely on and I wanted to share that thought with you all as well.
On a lighter note I wanted to tell you that whilst I have been getting things back on track and updating things I have updated the pages of my blog for the first time in what feels like forever.
I have updated the About and Contact pages and I have added a Projects page as well that will tell you all about some of the things that I am currently working on.
You will also notice that I have removed the automatically generated adverts from my blog, the ones you usually see placed throughout my blog posts and on the side of my blog also. I want to have full control over what is advertised on my blog and the only way I can truly guarantee that is to remove the ads. I’ll still be posting sponsored content, that is and always will be clearly marked as sponsored. I also benefit financially from the projects that I am working on and talking about so in that sense there will be some adverts, but they will all be controlled by me and advertising things that are important to me or that I genuinely love and care about.
There is a lot of really positive change going on around here and in my life in general at the moment and I have to say I am VERY excited about it all.
Let’s raise a glass to the good times, to change and to things getting better! I hope that you’re all doing well and I wish you all the very best!